Shop 'til you drop!

Hello there, it’s Sylvie.

Have you been to t’ shops? It’s madness out there, it’s like your life is on sale. There’s nowt that isn’t reduced! I’ve got all my Xmas presents now.

Mind you, I don’t have that many to buy for. I trimmed the fat years ago. I don't even bother with cards anymore, I can't see point.

I went to Trafford Centre and got everything in one day. Joyce was dithering as usual and wanted to stop for a brew every five minutes and then moan about price of tea and cake. I’m surprised she didn’t bring her flask and cake tin and have us sitting on bench with winos. I could have done with a drink after a day of shopping with her!

I’ve bought Clint too much as usual: clothes, trainers (his old ones are rife), pyjamas, soap-on-a-rope and some pop annuals.

Mind you, I have my eye on one of his books for my coffee table. It’s called ‘Halfway to Paradise’ by Alwyn Turner and has gorgeous black and white photos of the British rock and roll stars from my era. Me and Eric went to see them all back then. He'd often treat me to a trip down south to see a performance, it was very glamourous.

I was looking through the book on one of our pit stops at tea shop, and got some whipped cream over Billy Fury but Joyce got it off with one of her wet wipes, so no harm done.

Oh, I had a crush on Billy Fury and that Adam Faith. Such handsome lads and they got all the girls screaming in dance halls. Kids today think they invented sex appeal. But we all had it back then, let me tell you. Except Joyce, of course.

Anyway, I bought Lil and Annabel some Avon perfume but I expect Annabel will turn her nose up at it. Last year, I got Lil some coconut hand cream and she spread it over her crumpets one morning, so I hope she’s okay with cologne and doesn’t pour it into a sherry glass!

I bought Sidney a winter cape for one of his Victorian dolls. He’s a head-case, that one. He has them all sitting on a sofa in his bedroom and changes their outfits each week. I don’t know whether to cry or commit him.

I didn’t know what to get Joyce as she’s so fussy, so I bought her a boxed set of musicals on DVD as Sidney has bought her a DVD player from Argos Alan. I expect I’ll hear about the perils of her trying to use it over Xmas. She still can’t work her video. She needs to get more with-it.

I’ve bought Mandy vouchers for Krazy Kutz in precinct. She can get her roots done and skin sorted. It were either that or a blooming balaclava to cover her up. I sent her details to Phil and Fern for a makeover, but even they won’t touch her!

Clint has bought my outfit for hospital party; it’s from Kendalls department store. It’s gold lamé with rhinestones and a jacket to match. He said I look like one of those country and western singers in Nashville; he’s always paying me compliments, love him.

I need to buy an evening bag but I’ll look on my own this time, Joyce wore her court shoes to Trafford centre and were a right mardi arse by end of day. It takes twice as long going round shops with her limping and moaning, I’d have been quicker wheeling Lil about the place.

It’s a right shame about Woolworths going t’ dogs, is that. As you know, I worked there as a young lass on broken biscuit counter. I had a laugh with the other girls there, I still have our old photo booth pictures somewhere.

We’d wear our big beehives and black eyeliner and cram into booth of a lunchtime. My hair didn’t budge as I’d use a can of hairspray on it. I’d sometimes use sugar water on my fringe and it wouldn’t move for days but it tended go a bit crunchy in drizzle.

I better leave Joyce to tell you about her date with Ted last week (otherwise she’ll get a cob on), but it went better than expected. I bumped into him in Timpsons where he was getting a key cut and he had a definite spring in his step.

I mentioned it to Joyce but she’s playing dumb. So, I may find out what’s happening myself when I read her next blog. She can be a dark horse at times.

Of course, Frank has got himself all worked up as he was edging towards asking her to go t’ hospital party with him. He’s always had a soft spot for her but she doesn’t tolerate him very well. But I think that’s all front. You can sense the chemistry between them when he’s hovering over her macaroons. It’s like sexual ping pong at times.

Frank can be a bit of a bugger lugs and isn’t the sharpest tool in t’ box but he has a good heart and Joyce could do a lot worse for herself.

Molly Chadwick asked me to go on her speed-dating night at Scout hut this evening. I told her to stick it. That hut has a leak and wind blows right through. Bit like the men on her books.

Last time she had a speed-dating night at community centre, the old codgers were so slow on their feet that some were still trying to get up from first table when final whistle blew. They made Bruce Forsyth and Des O’Conner look like The Sex Pistols!

Molly’s bought a new wig since she lost last one in fire. She’s gone for a bright auburn colour; she reckons it gives her a look of Rita Heyworth.

Ha, ha! Rita Fairclough, more like.

Well, my soaps are on tonight, so I better get the tea on before all that kicks off.

Cheerio for now, love from Sylvie x